People always speak on the importance of “being real” and to be honest, that concept is vague and depending on who you speak with, has many different definitions. I’ve been raised on two things that are the foundation of who I am: keeping my word and speaking my truth. The first, I’ve never had too many personal issues with but the latter, that is a completely different story. Keeping my word was simple to grasp because you say what you mean and mean what you say. I want people to be able to trust my word and know that they can depend on it. I don’t tolerate anything less from those around me so I’m going to give them that same respect. Let me get back to the overall message before I go off about grown men not keeping their word…Both concepts come down to one core factor that until recently, I didn’t recognize which is, the power of the truth teller.
Every story is different but they all tend to have some similarities. Same can be said by experiences of black women in corporate America. Most of us tend to “play a role” or brush off slightly offensive behavior because “they aren’t worth our job” or quite frankly, we just try to be understanding to the fact that most of the issues come from others just being ignorant about our culture. I’ve had plans to write this post for a long time because in my opinion, we aren’t vocal about it enough. It comes to the forefront today because I ran across an Instagram post that gave me a kick in the ass…
It’s definitely been a while since I took the time to write. As my favorite saying goes, “Life comes at you fast.” None the less, I’m back again and so excited about life. It’s such a strange thing to say that I’m excited about life but I until recently, I don’t think I was actually taking the time to enjoy life day by day. I was so zoned in on “What’s Next?” , I wasn’t actually living my life (well, not a fulfilling one at least) . My anxiety was through the damn roof so I focused ONLY on the things I could control and made the conscious decision to live in the moment. It’s definitely easier said than done because I’m truly a control freak. Continue reading “Hiatus.”
I cannot count the amount of times that I have had a man misconstrue my expectations and look at them as insecurities. It takes a certain level of understanding yourself and understanding the certain characteristics that you NEED from a partner to be successful in a relationship. As a woman, it took me a very long time to get past the clouded bullshit of my needs being called “insecurities” and looking at myself as if what I needed from my man was too much. Let me throw this out there real quick…I’m not referring to outlandish materialistic wants. I’m referring to how you expect your significant other to make you feel and the actions that you NEED from them to make you feel that way. Let’s start this off with trust.
Visitor’s Corner : Post by Scottydunks
I was talking to my boy Andrew a few months back and while the conversation jumped around a bit, it mainly focused on how men are held to certain standards by women and we don’t hold ourselves to those same high standards. Just take a moment to let that sink in. Now I’m only one man but based on personal experiences and knowing some trials of others, it’s a common thing for us guys to make a few “simple” mistakes. Andrew made a statement that stuck with me and somewhat became something that I lived by ever since, “Bringing Integrity Back To The Dick”.
Continue reading “Bringing Integrity Back to the D*ck”
I don’t know if it is a product of the pain that many of us have endured over the years, how we were raised, or just something that many people don’t realize the importance of until later in life but there comes a great power to understanding the root of your feelings. It sounds like such a simple concept but it’s so rare to come across someone who has mastered it. Everything that we feel has a root cause but people tend to focus on their initial reaction rather than taking the time to really understand why they feel that way and if the reasoning is something that we never dealt with in the past.
Continue reading “Understanding the Root of your Feelings”
I’ve always felt that if you aren’t constantly learning more about yourself, then you are living a stagnant life. Vulnerability has always been something that I have struggled with for several years due to making horrible choices with some of the people that I allowed around. Notice that I tend to take responsibility for the actions of others in my life because at the end of the day, people only treat you how you allow them to. You can’t forget about accountability when speaking on opening yourself up to be vulnerable. If you’re blaming everyone for problems in your life, do you honestly think you’re going to openly allow yourself to be so exposed emotionally? I truly doubt it…
Whenever I have talked to people that have been married for a long period of time, 9 times out of 10, they state that what held them together for so long was communication and understanding. I’ve always felt that I have an old soul especially when it comes to love and relationships so the idea of small talk is beyond annoying to me. I’ve never understood it. Small talk is meant for your co-workers who you have to be friendly with but you know you aren’t trying to kick it with outside of work or your significant other’s family member that you don’t really like but you have to play your role. Why does it make sense to try to build a relationship on small talk? A part of me thinks it is because of pride and maybe some people just don’t want to allow someone a complete look into them, just in case they use it against them in the future. The other part of me thinks that my generation is built on temporary bonds. Regardless of what the reason, it doesn’t make any sense and I wish that the concept of building relationships on small talk would just end.
Continue reading “Small Talk: The Killer of Strong Bonds”
I believe this is a concept that a lot of women have trouble understanding until they get older. Whether we believe that a man is filling a void that we never had or we believe that having a man is a necessity because society has told us that a goal of being a woman also means being a wife. What we often forget is that we can’t be a partner to someone until we are comfortable and secure in our own skin. In order to become that way, it means being alone. Being single should not automatically mean being lonely and I really want to know where that dumbass concept came from. Everyone, not just women, should be comfortable being alone, should honestly be happy when they are alone. The reason that I am directing this to women is more so because I constantly see this mindset and its annoying.
Continue reading “Being Single Does Not Mean Being Lonely”
I can’t even lie, I am definitely one of those people that live in LaLa Land. Once I have this idea of how I want things to go in my life, if it gets off track, I often get overwhelmed. I didn’t realize how often I thought this way until earlier today when I was talking to a close friend. I’m not going to get into details on the particular situation because that is besides the point, but he basically told me that I was expecting someone to be different from what they have constantly shown me that they were. Basically it comes down to a quote from Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” This post isn’t entirely focused on not having expectations of people in your life but also the situations that you are in. Life NEVER happens the way that you expect it. There are always going to be obstacles that you didn’t expect and some of those obstacles are going to make you lose faith in yourself.
Continue reading “Learning to Let Go of Expectations and Accepting Reality”