I cannot count the amount of times that I have had a man misconstrue my expectations and look at them as insecurities. It takes a certain level of understanding yourself and understanding the certain characteristics that you NEED from a partner to be successful in a relationship. As a woman, it took me a very long time to get past the clouded bullshit of my needs being called “insecurities” and looking at myself as if what I needed from my man was too much. Let me throw this out there real quick…I’m not referring to outlandish materialistic wants. I’m referring to how you expect your significant other to make you feel and the actions that you NEED from them to make you feel that way. Let’s start this off with trust.
Every individual needs different things to feel that they can trust their significant other. For instance, let’s bring up phone access. There are some people who are perfectly fine with having access to each other’s phones because they feel that if they aren’t doing anything wrong, then it shouldn’t matter. Then there are others who feel that they have their right to privacy and the trust should be strong enough that you wouldn’t even need to have that access. Neither side is necessarily wrong, it just depends on your own personal opinion. Now, with that being said, why is it so often seen as an “insecurity” for someone to want that access? In all actuality, that person just has different expectations of their significant other than you. I’m personally not the type to need that access to trust my man but he let it be known that if I ever needed it, it was mine to have. That was completely shocking to me because I’ve never had a man not borderline have a panic attack at the thought of me having access to their phone. Which made me think even deeper into how often “insecurities” have been used in conversation when being insecure has nothing to do with the subject at hand.
Another example… how often your significant other goes out. I know so many women and a few men who have been told that they were insecure because they had issues with their partner going out all the time. Now, if you don’t want them going out because you’re worried about them disrespecting you…that’s a whole different story. But if the case is just that I personally feel like my man should be home more often or vice versa, how does that make me insecure? It baffles me how quickly a person jumps to the conclusion that someone is insecure and use the term so freely.
There is such a strong differentiation between expectations and insecurities, but people still so aggressively claim someone is insecure. In relationships the term can actually be damaging overtime. When someone you love repeatedly tells you you’re insecure, it isn’t something you just brush off. You tend to start lowering your expectations because you are instilling that mindset that what you crave from your partner is due to insecurities. I’m going off on a tangent now but y’all get my point. Stop being so quick to use negative language and judging others for not having the same mindset. Words have power and the quicker people start realizing the power behind words as well as taking the time to understand others, the better off we will all be.